I break the radio silence to bring you...

Sigmund Freud, in his essay Fetishism:

When now I announce that the fetish is a substitute for a penis, I shall certainly create disappointment; so I hasten to add that it is not a substitute for any chance penis, but for a particular and quite special penis that had been extremely important in early childhood but had later been lost.

I seriously love it how lulzy scholarly articles can be in their dry, earnest seriousness.

/goes back to studying, sob